“Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee; then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
Mathew 18:15-17
The world’s way of handling conflict is very different than how the Lord has told the church to handle challenging situations. Often in the world, people will gossip about the wrongs done to them to their friends and peers to gain empathy and support when they have been offended by others. However, that causes division. For example, in a workplace an employee may have been offended by something their co-worker said or did. They then go to another co-worker to “talk about it to get advice and share how they feel”. However, this is simply a guise for being able to gossip and gain support for themselves. Next that person then tells another co-worker and another. This can lead to a situation where there is major division in the workplace based on only one person’s viewpoint. It may be that the co-worker didn’t mean at all what the employee thought they heard and in fact could be suffering from false accusations that these other co-workers now believe to be true.
This is not how the church body is to operate. When there is a conflict between two people, the tendency is to take sides in support of or against those involved depending upon whose side of the story you hear. This can bring division into the church and cause the small conflict to grow into a larger very divisive conflict. Like a wildfire left unchecked, gossip and hearsay in the church can cause great division in the body of Christ.
That is why in the United States court system, the founding fathers had the foresight to develop a biblical system of justice. One in which hearsay is not allowed as evidence. One in which the accused is allowed to face their accuser. If someone is facing charges and accused of a crime, the only people that can be called to testify are those who have first-hand knowledge of the crime. However, if a witness testifies based on secondhand information, it is thrown out as hearsay.
Yet in the church, at times someone may tell a friend what another person said that offended them. That person may then make decisions about the situation based solely on one side of the story. It is best to simply throw out any information you hear in this way. You can comfort and encourage the person to follow after Mathew 18:15 and/or to simply forgive. You can offer to pray with the person and give them godly counsel. However, any judgement about the situation should be reserved until and unless you meet with both people involved. In a court of law, it is called “hearsay”. In everyday life it is called “gossip”. Proverbs 18:17 (AMPC) states: “He who states his case first seems right, until his rival comes and cross-examines him…” The reason that the accused should always be able to face their accuser is because what has been said could be taken out of context or could have been misunderstood. If the other person is not there to defend themselves or bring clarity to the situation, then that conversation should not take place. It is simply gossip or hearsay.
Thankfully, Jesus showed us a better way to handle conflict. Ultimately, if you are able to simply forgive and pray for the person, that is the ideal situation. You forgive and move on. “Above all, love each other dearly, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8
However, if you are struggling with the offense, and feel the need for resolution, then first and foremost do not tell others in the church about it. This only creates division and is hearsay to those listening. Instead, as Jesus has demonstrated, simply go to that person and share your concern. Often it could simply be a misunderstanding, or you may find they were having an exceptionally difficult day that day. However, if the offense is egregious and unable to be resolved, the next steps in Mathew 15 would take place. It would be an extremely rare and unusual circumstance where it would ever need to go to the level of being brought to the church. The offense would have to be very serious to rise to that occasion.
The Lord hates division. The devil works non-stop to get people into offense with each other and cause division in the church. “…Every kingdom divided against itself is brough to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand.” Mathew 12:25b Therefore, it is important at all costs to pursue peace in the church and especially peace with the members of your local church body. Let us endeavor to always follow after the way of peace. One that brings unity, not division. One that builds and not tears down. One that heals and does not hurt. When we walk in love, one with another, and allow the fruits of the spirit to operate in our lives, we will be able to experience the fulness of God’s blessings. We will be able to go to new heights in the church where God’s glory can manifest like never before. I am very thankful to be the Pastor of a congregation who knows how to walk in love and peace and has been one that walks in unity. Yet I know as we continue to grow it is always a good reminder to teach the importance of handling conflict the biblical way. Let us continue to seek peace and pursue it and watch God move mightily in our lives!
Further reading: Galatians 5:13-25, James 3, 1 Corinthians 13, 1 John 4
